Penance
by 4reignaffairs
Summary: Bash could pretend this was for his brother, but it was for Mary, only Mary, always Mary. Canon divergent. Takes off from when Mary left Bash's room in 1x13.
1. Chapter 1

_First, thank you so much for all of the lovely reviews, favorites, follows and simply reading my first story. I am so grateful._

_I will warn you that I don't know where, if anywhere, I'm going with this story. I started writing it back in February/March and forgot about it. I have five chapters almost finished, but, like this one, they are not terribly long. I probably would not be sharing this at all if there wasn't such a dearth of Mash stories. I had hoped the deleted scene might energize the fanbase a bit. :/ Anyway, thank you for reading and I hope you like it! I will probably post chapter 2 later this week. Reviews are welcomed and appreciated._

**Chapter 1**  
>Mary heard the retching before she turned the corner. Bash was hunched over, pressed against the door to the stables as he puked into the bushes. Slowly, as he had finally rid himself of the toxins, he stood up and turned to enter the stables, but her silhouette stopped him.<p>

"Your Grace," he nodded stiffly.

"Bash ..." Mary said softly, unable to keep the sadness out of her voice.

"I should offer my congratulations," he said.

She noticed that he didn't actually congratulate her and her lips tightened. Why she had come looking for him, she didn't know. She had no words that were suitable, yet she needed to see him. "I'm sorry, Bash," was all she could offer.

He looked at fully for the first time. She was still in her wedding gown, minus the train. "Be careful, Your Grace. Royals don't apologize."

She wasn't ready for this shift in their relationship and her eyes started to water. "Please don't," Mary whispered.

"Don't what?" he challenged, standing as tall as his body would allow.

"I don't want to lose you," she confessed. "I know it's not fair-"

"Fair!?" Bash exclaimed, letting a callous laugh out before he turned and entered the stables, his balance uneven. He dropped into a stall filled with hay and let out an exhausted sigh.

Mary followed him cautiously, still unsure of her intentions or the soundness of her actions and disregarding the dirt and hay looking to mar her dress. She'd have to come up with an excuse as to why her gown was less than pristine later.

"I told you I'd get sauced at your wedding."

She winced at his sardonic tone. "Yes," she said quietly. That was the day they'd first kissed. It felt so long ago.

Bash shook his head, then winced. "Why are you here, Mary?"

"I was worried about you," she confessed, fighting the urge to move closer and brush the hair from his face. She wanted to see his eyes clearly, but feared the emotion she'd find behind them.

"How nice," he sighed. "Well, as you can see, I'm quite alright. If you'll forgive me, I'd like to get some sleep. I've a long ride ahead."

"A ride? Where are you going?"

"Paris was the plan - my mother's chateau - but we'll see." He squinted at her. "Surely you didn't think I'd stay here."

She opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out. Everything had happened so quickly that the thought hadn't occurred to her. Slowly, the reality of the situation started to sink in. No, she couldn't expect him to stay; she probably didn't want him to stay. It'd be too painful. For both of them.

"Don't look so sad, Mary. You're getting everything you want," he said with faux cheer.

"No, I'm not." She could feel the anger starting to seep into her.

Bash looked at her thoughtfully. "Perhaps because your wants are not constant."

She bit the inside of her lip. "If you want to be angry with me, fine. I deserve it. But don't pretend-"

"Pretend!?" he pounced, his eyes suddenly wide and fiery. "No, I never pretended. Not once, not with you."

"And you think I did? You think I wanted this to happen?"

"What I think doesn't matter," he dismissed before closing his eyes and letting his head fall back against the hay. "Please go, Mary," he pleaded. "Be with your husband. Be with Francis."

Mary looked around helplessly. This was it. This was their goodbye and there was no changing it. He was leaving her world as suddenly as he'd entered. Silently, she turned and left. 


	2. Chapter 2

_Apologizes for taking so long. I had an idea that led to a whole bunch of rewrites, so I hope this isn't as choppy as I fear. I made a few minor changes to Chapter 1, but a reread is not necessary (I hope the edit saved. I was having a few issues with FF.)_

_In case anyone is interested, Mash fans will be attempting to trend #BringMashBackOnReign tomorrow, Oct. 23, at 6pm EST/3pm PST on twitter. You can find info on tumblr if you need to._

_Torrance Coombs, Adelaide Kane and Reign are amongst the pre-noms for People's Choice Awards if you're interested in voting. You can also write in Toby Regbo, Megan Follows or anyone else that strikes your fancy if you wish._

_Sorry for the news and notes, but I know a lot of fans left Reign and probably don't keep current anymore, but maybe would still be interested in trending or voting to show support._

_Thank you so much for your feedback! I greatly appreciate it. Ranting about Reign in the comment section is totally fine. I not only miss Mary and Bash together, I miss talking about them, so I completely understand! Rant away!_

**Chapter 2**

It seemed to fall apart as quickly as it had come together. The month long wedding tour had been blissful. Seeing the lands and meeting various rulers and noblemen along the way, enjoying decadent feasts and lavish parties during the day and making love at night. Mary felt invincible with her new husband by her side. This was the life she was always meant to have, that she dreamed of having. But a dream was all it was. Once Mary and Francis returned to court, reality set in.

Mary and Francis were thrown into the world of French politics and just as quickly they were at odds. Mary had expected disagreements, but she thought they could work through them, compromise. Instead, it was a battle of wills and she always seemed to be the one to lose.

They tried to leave the politics outside their chambers but, while they could keep the arguments at bay, resentments and hurt feelings lingered. Francis began sleeping in another room after three weeks time.

On occasion, one of them would attempt to reconcile, and sometimes it even seemed to work. But it was always temporary. Even at parties they tended to drift from each others' side rather than joining to dance as they once did. Francis' path always seemed to head towards pretty young courtisanes. It took a while for Mary to realize - or perhaps simply admit - that her strained marriage with Francis was due to more than politics.

Bash's absence was noticeable throughout the castle. Young Henry and Charles missed their brother and wanted to know why and where he'd gone. Francis was without his friend and guide, at times looking lost. Henry was without his cohort and noticeably more irritable. Everyone seemed determined not to mention or even allude to Bash, including Mary's friends. There was constant tension in the air and it all stemmed from Mary.

She missed his presence more than anything, just the comfort of knowing Bash was within reach. She kept expecting to see him at certain times in certain places. Bash was always waiting for her in the stables early in the morning for their ride, having already prepared her horse for her. At night, as the sun was setting, Mary could count on finding Bash on the east balcony that overlooked the front lawn, just as she did the day she'd proposed his legitimization. She missed seeing his face, his smile, his reassurance. She missed him.

Mary loved Francis still and she hoped a part of him loved her too, but she had destroyed the connection they once had. One day he might forgive her, but she couldn't make him. All she could do was wait. It wasn't that Francis was mean or cruel, just withdrawn. Sometimes she'd catch him studying her, looking for answers. She didn't have them.

Mary prayed for a child. She needed the happiness desperately and it would provide at least a temporary reprieve from Francis' weekly visits to her chambers. Sex was awkward and cold and over with quickly. Neither of them felt much satisfaction from the encounters. At least Francis had another warm body to run to afterwards; she had no one.

Life became increasingly draining and what little strength remained within Mary was held in reserve for meetings with the king and his advisors and afterwards she was exhausted, retiring to her chambers until the next sunrise. She couldn't afford for anyone in court see how weak she had become.

It was difficult to find enjoyment in anything. Her morning rides were lonely and filled with sadness. She'd stare at the pages of books, unable to concentrate enough to read the words. Greer, Kenna and Lola tried to engage her in scandalous, mindless gossip, but it was too much effort to even try and feign interest. Mary went of long walks alone looking for something, anything that made sense to her. Finally, she gave up. She remained within the castle walls, the cold, hard surfaces mirroring the loneliness she felt. Such an immaculate, at times intimidating place, serving as a glorified prison.

Her solitude was ill-fitting, but not something she wished to change. It was what she deserved. Her only solace came from spending time with Charles and Henry. Mary adored Francis' brothers and took them on outings as much as she could. But it was not without its awkward moments, as they would ask about Bash's whereabouts and she had no answers. They missed their eldest brother and it was her doing that they were without him.

Mary smiled as she remembered it was Little Henry's birthday today and there would be a party. Finally, a distraction she could look forward to.

"Have you seen Lola?" Mary asked as Kenna and Greer flitted about, fixing her hair and dressing her in a bright purple gown.

"I don't believe she's arrived yet," Greer replied, as she reached for various jewels, attempting to find the appropriate match for Mary's attire.

"The servants will alert us once she's here," Kenna assured, taking one necklace from Greer and holding it up to the dress.

Mary sighed. Storms had delayed shipments and she feared her birthday present for Little Henry would not arrive in time. "Perhaps I should have picked someone else to retrieve Henry's gift."

"Lola volunteered," Greer reminded her.

Kenna grinned. "She has been visiting Paris quite a it lately."

"Why do you make that sound so scandalous?" Greer chided. "Her aunt is ill and she's been going to help out her uncle and her cousins."

"They aren't the only people in Paris. She could have met someone else while she was there."

"Well, I certainly don't think that would be a bad thing. Colin's death was so hard on her. She needs to find some happiness again." Greer looked to Mary for approval on the necklace she'd selected and Mary nodded. "She has seemed especially dour of late."

"Maybe because she's met a man and she's missing him."

Greer rolled her eyes. Kenna was just trying to annoy her now.

Mary looked in the mirror and shook her head. "Let's skip the necklace. Are there any long earrings that would work?"

Her two ladies retreated back to the jewelry armoire to look and Mary studied her hair. Thick, dark curls piled up high with a gold crown encasing them. She would be nursing a headache tonight to be sure. She smoothed her silk embroidered gown, studying all of the intricate details. Ornate even by royal standards. "This is still a party for a child, isn't it? Why must every party thrown be a spectacle?"

Greer laughed. "Do you expect Catherine to tone it down for one of her little princes?"

She sighed. "I just want Henry to have fun."

An abrupt knock sent Kenna scurrying to the door where a servant was waiting. "Lady Lola has arrived, Your Grace."

"Thank goodness!" Mary exclaimed. "Where is she now?"

"The stables, Your Grace."

Mary nodded and dismissed the servant. "I'll be going to the stables, then," she announced.

"Don't be silly! You'll get dust on your skirt!"

Mary shook her head. "I must check him out for myself."

"I can't believe you got him a pony," Kenna sighed.

"A _Shetland_ pony," Mary corrected. "Henry will love him."

"And the stablehands will hate you."

"Nonsense! They are wonderful creatures."

Kenna released an unladylike snort. "I've never met one that wasn't completely unruly."

"Yes, you're much better at taming men," Greer chimed in.

Mary paid no mind as Kenna glared at their friend. "I won't be long," she called, hurrying out the door and making her way down to the stables.

Mary made her way through the stables, quickly searching the stalls for the new arrival. Finally she found him, the small, stocky, golden pony. "Well aren't you a beauty?" she cooed. The pony nodded as if it understood her and Mary gently stroked his nose. Drawing closer, she ran her hand along his neck and body, happy with the condition of his coat and solid physique. She checked his teeth and inspected his feet and looked for any signs of illness until she felt satisfied she had a healthy, sturdy animal. "You'll do quite nicely," Mary said confidently.

Happily, she made her way back through the stables, pleased that she had slipped on gloves because her hands would be filthy otherwise. She'd been careful to avoid letting her skirt touch anything undesirable and Mary felt confident no one would know the Scottish queen spent her time in the stables before parties.

Mary was just about to exit when she spotted the white mare with a grey mane. It was a beautiful horse. Bash's horse. Mary spun around quickly but saw no signs of her former fiance. But he was here. Somewhere on the grounds he was here.

Mary took a deep breath. Bash was back.


End file.
